From hero to zero just like that

Calling all my Hercules fans out that for that title reference?

Anyway, moving on… Today is Time to Talk day, a day where we all are encouraged to start conversations about mental health, to share how we’re feeling and this year, our recipe for the perfect way to start talking.

Time to Talk Day

I’ve always been very good at talking about my mental health in the past tense: I was ill, I was experiencing x, I was in hospital, I was struggling with my mental health, but today I am. Every day I am.

Last Time to Talk day, I was in hospital but a couple of months before that I was working, I was leaving the house, driving, going out with friends. I was miserable, and suffering, a lot, but I was living. I wouldn’t say hero like my title says, but zero is definitely the word I would use. I went from a New Years Party, to a little over a week later sat in a hospital bed, and a month later, sat in a hospital too scared to leave the grounds.  

Today, I feel like I’m barely living at all. I go for dog walks, and sometimes to the coop on a good day, but the world passes me by. I spent so long running to keep up with the world, hobbling along while I did it, searching for something to make things better, to make me whole again, but I was always one step away from control, one step from beating the misery, and maybe one step from living. And now? Maybe I’m a whole lot of steps from living. The world turns one way, while I walk the other, and that’s okay.  

The beautiful Lily

But I have glimmers of hope, friends who visit, text, call, my beautiful cat and beautiful dog, my dad aka dog walking buddy aka safety net, my mum aka problem solver, my sister aka all round good egg. I have glints in the darkness of light and kindness and calm, and my suffering is not conquered by them, nor overly lessened by them, but it is accompanied by them. I face the darkness all the same, but I face it with an army.

So back to Time to Talk day. My recipe for starting a conversation on mental health?
– One blog post
– Two people
– And a whole lot of space without judgement

Sending love, light and joy,
Daniela x

One Reply to “From hero to zero just like that”

  1. So brave darling Daniela, for putting yourself out there in this blog and helping us all to understand better how tough it is to live with mental health difficulties. And so beautifully written as always. You have a gift with the written word. Loving the blog. Lots of love to you and your army 💜💜💜💜

    Like

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