The girl in the orange jacket walks past me a lot, and I don’t know if she suffers in the same way I do but I’ve assumed she does, so in some ways she’s fictional and in some ways she’s a mirror and in a lot of ways my assumptions suggest more about me than they ever will about her. But anyway, I wrote her a letter…
To the girl in the orange jacket,
I know you, well I don’t know you but I’ve walked past you enough times. You see I know you because I was you, and most days I still am you.
I was the one wearing 2 pairs of leggings, 2 jumpers and a coat. I was the one avoiding eye contact while I did the things that probably weren’t good for me, that definitely weren’t good for me, the things that definitely were bad for me. I had my music on, just like you, pretending, hoping, assuring that no one in the world could reach me. I am the one who looked at you with pity, with fear, with jealousy. I am the one who looked at you thinking “but she must feel so in control”. I am the one who maybe some days realises you probably aren’t.
So to the girl in the orange jacket, and all the others suffering, living, surviving, I know you. I’m with you. I’m as scared, as tired, as alone as you, and I wish I could say, hold on, keep faith, have hope but I honestly don’t know. All I will say is that hidden suffering, the fear, the mental exhaustion, the loneliness, is not unique to you. You may feel alone but I promise you, you are not.
Sending love, happiness and peace,