An awfulness of changes

Whether it be the anorexia or the autism, change is something that I’ve always struggled with. Changes in routine, physical changes, mental changes, changes in places, people, things, all of them each causing their own form of distress.

So that brings me to now when my life is full of good changes, a new job, new found confidence, a more at peace mind, but why do I still feel like burying my head in the ground like a confused ostrich? Why do I still want to control something in my life, something that won’t change, something like my food intake?

But you see this time I’m not. This time my ostrich neck is up with the sun of positive change in my eyes, with the anxiety and uncomfortableness that brings, with the mental pain. My default coping mechanism, my crutch of eating less, has changed.

Change is uncomfortable for us all, regardless of any diagnoses we may or may not have, but as terrifying and as unsettling it may be, it can be wonderful too. I don’t know the point of this blog. Maybe I just wrote it for me, maybe it’ll resonate with you, maybe there’s a small bit of hope in there for the both of us that change will always happen, but it’s possible to get through it in a healthy and happy way (or at least I’m trying to).

Sending love, light and happiness,

Daniela