Trigger warning: Exercise
Anorexia takes me on many an adventure. These past few months, I’ve been living a childhood favourite. You see, anorexia and I have been going on a bear hunt. A swelteringly hot heat wave, well we’ll have to walk through it. Thunderstorms and torrential rain, yep walk through those too. The muddiest puddles, the nettle bushes, the longest grass, the blisters, the days of complete mental and physical exhaustion, the days where everything told me not to walk, well there I was and am, walking my set amount of time a day. Heck I’m even walking as I write this.
Now my avid couple of readers (hi mum) will know exactly what bear anorexia and I have been hunting for – control. I don’t need to tell you again that’s what I want more than anything, but is walking really giving me that? Am I walking towards a life full of control or a life where anorexia controls me? Now, don’t get too cocky, we could all answer that last one correctly.
But what’s the point of this blog? (Yes other than that massive moan about what my life looks like currently and my inability to change it). I guess number 1 is a small “it’s not a vanity thing, it’s a control thing” reminder, but number 2 is a reminder, for people with and without eating disorders, for you reading this, for me, that it’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to take that day, week, month, year off. It’s okay to say “you know what? I just don’t feel like it”. It’s okay to listen to your body or mind that you need that time off. And if you’re struggling to stop despite those things, it’s okay to seek help. Now pardon my hypocrisy for 10 seconds to consider that we might all just deserve a life free of compulsive thoughts about exercise.
Sending love, light and happiness,